Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Good Riddance to 2012

While others have been focused on new year's resolutions, I've been trying to get rid of 2012.  

2012 was a terrible year for me.  A year of loss, stress, and fear.

Okay.  Anger, depression and exhaustion, too.

2012 began with grief and coping with the loss of Tucker, our sweet black Lab mix.  He nearly made it to his 14th birthday.  Instead of a grand birthday celebration, we buried him 2 weeks prior.  A bad veterinarian diagnosis led to brain cancer which traveled to other organs.  Grief, anger, and frustration.

In February 2012, I lost my heart dog, Lucy, to heart failure.  She was 5 months shy of her 14th birthday.  I knew this was coming, but thought we had at least another year together.  No matter - no amount of time would have felt enough.  Grief and heartbreak.

One week later my mother began what would be a 7 month cycle of hospitalizations and rehab.  Actually, the cycle began with one of the many hospitalizations and the neurosurgeon saying:  this is it; get her affairs and funeral plan in order.  There are no words to describe that 7 month period of time.

In the midst of it, my husband (the "too young," lean, runner, organic-eater, uber healthy guy) had a heart attack.   You can run, but you cannot hide from genetics, folks!   A balloon, plus stent angioplasty later and we thought all would be okay.

It wasn't okay.  Our dog daddy has had an "adverse reaction to the drug eluded stent."  You can't imagine what he is still going through and I won't gross you out by going into detail.  Suffice to say, it is a nightmare of epic and painful proportions.  

We still don't know if bypass surgery will be needed to remove the stent.  The manufacturers of the stent, plus doctors at Barnes in St Louis and Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, are working with all of Gary's specialists.  Time will tell the tale because if it is the drug portion of the stent, that should wear off.  If it is the stent itself, it is a case of the body rejecting it like in an organ transplant patient.  Regardless, now my active, life embracing husband is barely able to get out of bed.

Somewhere in that mess, my mom's hospitalization cycle continued, we had to put her dog Andy to sleep, and one of Gary's brothers died.

2012 ended with the death of a dear friend.  She and I share a birthday, December 27.  The day before she lapsed into the coma from which she would never awaken, she sent me a birthday greeting.  I think she "knew."  

And those are just the highlights of 2012.  I have to admit, I'm still grieving, stressed, exhausted, frustrated, afraid and royally pissed angry.

So, hello 2013.  Glad to see you!    

I've decided that I will continue For Love of a Dog and this Talking Dogs blog, but I'll definitely be scaling back.

No new year's resolutions.  Just a promise to myself to work less and enjoy life more since we never know what can happen and how our lives can change in an instant.  

And, especially, to spend more time with my dogs. 

15 comments:

  1. Woof! Woof! heart breaking n challenging year ... we can relate. New year, new beginnings ... Yes to enjoy LIFE! Golden LOVE. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

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    1. Thanks, Sugar! Absolutely: new year and new beginnings!

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  2. I'm overwhelmed just reading about your year in one place. I can't imagine how exhausted you must be.

    I hope that 2013 is a time of healing for you and your family.

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    1. Thank you, Pamela. So far 2013 is looking so much better! :-)

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  3. Oh my goodness... and I thought I had a bad year (only medical problems for husband/me, dog hit by car (survived), losing job, dad getting and dying from cancer, massive family secrets coming to light, and a few other minor things in comparison), but yours really takes the cake. I totally hear you with the anger. I feel anger, I can only imagine what yours must feel like.

    My thoughts are with you, completely. Lets get rid of 2012... and here's to a much less stressful 2013.

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    1. I certainly know (knew) that I wasn't alone last year! And so very many people had much more heartbreaking events in their lives than I did. My sincere sympathy to you. Here's hoping 2013 is a terrific year for both of us!

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  4. Wow, what a year 2012 was for you! I hope that 2013 brings you much happiness, peace, and joy. Spending time with the people and pooches we love is the most important thing.

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    1. Thanks, Amy. My plan for 2013 is to try harder to simply enjoy every moment with my beloved ones.

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  5. you are one of the strongest people that I know. Throughout all of the hardships that you endured this past year you always had a kind word, a card to send, a thought for someone else. If there is ANYONE who deserves an end to the horrible cycle you have endured it is you. I am deeply sorry to hear of your friend ...and now I feel awful because I don't think I knew it was your birthday!! ((((hugs)))))) thank you for bringing so much joy to so many. If it is any consolation I am scaling waaaaay back this year too. Life is too short! xoxo

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    1. Caren... what can I say?! Thank you so much for all your support this year. Thank heavens you allowed me to vent when I desperately needed to and your kindness has meant so much to me. A thousand blessings on your head, my friend! I've learned an important lesson: life is short and we never know what may happen.

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  6. Wow that does sound like a very rough year. So sorry to hear about all of your losses and unfortunate happenings... I feel that my 2012 wasn't that great either, but I guess I shouldn't complain after reading this. Best wishes to you in 2013!

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    1. Horrible year, Ann, though I know many folks have had much more tragedy. Thank you for the best wishes!

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  7. My goodness, what a stressful year. The universe owes you a kick-ass, awesome 2013!

    The hubby part is worrisome as my hubby has great health habits and very bad genes too... I hope it a problem with the drug and it wears off quickly (that sounds like the better option!).

    Here's hoping '13 will be lucky for you!

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  8. Wishing you the very, very best for 2013. I thought my year was bad. However the events you have had to deal with...makes you one strong person who deserves a bounce back with good things for 2013
    Best,
    Trina

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  9. OMC - hugs and more hugs. The person behind Talking Dogs should never have such troubles! Please take care of yourself while you are taking care of everyone else. Any time your blog shows up will be a treat, and I am likely not alone with that feeling. Happy 2013!

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